He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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