she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
