I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
