Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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