just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
