It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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