she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
