I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
