he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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