Joe is yelling at the trees again.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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