Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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