I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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