yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
