i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
