I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
