walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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