The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Houston, we have a squirter
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
