Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
