I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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