i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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