Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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