This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
