any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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