That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
