Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
