The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
