You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
