All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
and you fell through a lawn chair
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
