When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
