i don't like sucking hair
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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