Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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