dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
