we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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