Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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