i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
