my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
