I think im going to throw up on grandma
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
