I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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