Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
