Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
