so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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