I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
