today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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