In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
