I think im going to throw up on grandma
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let's get the cat blown out
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
