I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
