I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
