but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
