Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
