Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
