I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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