Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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