hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
