I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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