Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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