since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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