we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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