3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So squirting runs in the family.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
