the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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