Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
