I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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