I think im going to throw up on grandma
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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