So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
