The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
