Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
