So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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