I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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